Prayer: Setting Days Up for Success
I can always tell when my prayer life has faltered. I become a less gentle mother. I find I lack control of my emotions and am often swarmed by selfish temptations. It is these times when I neglect my childrens’ love languages or become overwhelmed by my vocational to-do’s.
Our second was born just five weeks before we ventured on vacation to the beach. In the newborn season my oldest struggled with the sheer quantity of time I spent holding the baby. One particular day amongst the preparations, I made the choice that the last few chores of packing, cleaning and organizing were going to need to come first in order for us to be ready to leave. It was an “at all costs” mentality.
I’ll admit to half-heartedly trying to include him. Offering to let him bounce on my bed, play with various religious articles in the house, or giving him the Swiffer mop to help “sweep”. He did well with those things, but it quickly seemed far beyond my patience level to deal with the minor (very normal) inconveniences like not turning the salt grinder upside down or not bouncing the baby too much in the bouncer. I was much too concerned with my checklist to see how it quickly deteriorated his desire to listen every time I neglected to respond in the way he needed.
The rest of the day consisted of us butting heads, a terrible nap piled on top of a huge baby blowout. A to-do list completed and unhappy children. When my husband arrived home, I greeted him with no enthusiasm to which he promptly asked if I was okay. My gruff “No.” didn’t do much either. Despite my pood attitude, my husband was kind enough to let me take a long walk in the evening with the baby while the toddler cleaned the car with him. (A favorite activity.) I had some time to reflect and collect myself. As I power walked, I replayed the events of the day and was hit with a strong realization. I forgot to do the one thing I should have. Pray. The wise advice of Mother Teresa echoed in my mind. When you’re taking on more, you need to pray more.
This is the beauty of the vocation of motherhood. We don’t have to do it all alone. We are backed by a supernatural pool of resources. When we choose to tap into them, it turns the tide around. Maybe if I had opened my eyes and instead said, “Jesus I trust in you. I need you to help make the path today. Take care of everything.” As opposed to stubbornly pushing forward in self-reliance, my outlook would have been different. Perhaps the order of events and the chaotic moments would have happened all the same, but I would have responded with compassion. I would have said, “Okay Lord, he wants to play. Make the space for me to get it all done.” When the baby had peed on the couch, the floor, me and pooped on his blanket while his brother called out from his room that he was ready to be done with nap, I would have seen a clearer solution. I would not have panicked, rushed and caved to overwhelm. The Lord would have impressed “Peace, be still” upon my heart. My gentle Father had allowed me to learn a valuable lesson in humility as well as priorities that day.
As the evening wind swept around me and the sun set on such a wild day, I was overwhelmed by compassion for my toddler. It is not best for my family if I let every tantrum become personal therefore causing me to expect the worst each time. It’s not best for my child when I make him feel that his needs are not a priority. It’s not fair to my husband when he walks in the door to a frustrated wife and dysfunctional kiddos. More importantly, this could have all been mitigated if I chose differently.
Next time, I’ll remember to work for 30 minutes and play for an equal amount of time. I’ll find a task that works his brain to keep him occupied when I really need to get something done. I know this won’t “fix” it and I’ll continue to make mistakes. But, Jesus never fails to remind me that despite such humanness, He created me to do this. My son hasn’t held it against me (yet) and I was given a little glimpse into his littleness, into his world on that prayerful walk. In turn my prayer that evening was a plea of forgiveness and a reminder of the endless love from the Father reflected in the endless love of my littles and the compassionate heart of my husband.
