God, How Do I Handle This Toddler?
The day our toddlers turn two, a switch flips. They wake up knowing that they can take on the world. Suddenly, they know they are independent and the world becomes their playground. The once cherub-cheeked babies are trying to get into more things, climb like crazy, and learn all they can through experience. Especially in the ways they constantly test boundaries. Despite the advice of veteran parents, those new to toddlerhood are still railroaded by just how real it can get.
Here's the good news! First, they’re developing right on schedule. It is a lot at once for them, even though they may seem blindly confident. Second, God gave you this toddler because He knew you were the right parent to guide them through each developmental stage including this one. There’s no need to fear the seemingly chaotic time that this is because it is truly a world of opportunity when we parent from a Heavenly perspective.
Talk to God about who He made your toddler to be.
The beauty of Christian motherhood is that we have a relationship with the Creator who made each child. We can go to Him to ask Him how He sees each kid and to receive advice on what they need. I want to invite you to pray for your toddler in a more specific way. Each child has a mission determined by Christ. This also means that the Lord gave them the personality He did for a reason. For example, one of my brothers has always been incredibly strong-willed and is now in seminary discerning the priesthood. My other brother is incredibly laid back. He’s working toward being a car mechanic, which if you know anything about working on cars, it is always less than straightforward to fix what’s broken which is frustrating to many. If either of them hadn’t been gifted these traits, they would not be discerning where they’re called to serve the Lord’s kingdom. We need to seek God’s heart about where He’s asking us to form these toddlers for their mission. Seek out what He has to say about who He made them to be, how He sees them, and the weak areas you need to grow in parenthood. Do this as frequently as you need. God LOVES to answer when we ask.
Engage with your inner child to help them learn.
There’s a balance in this season with discipline and affection. A toddler clings when he or she is unsure of this big scary world. At the same time, a toddler is beginning to learn how the world works and how things work in relation to them which means they push boundaries ALOT. To some degree, each person remembers what it was like to be a child. These perspectives have relevance to how we respond to our children. We know what we did and didn’t like as well as the unique direction we want to go. What we need to be tapping into is what it felt like to be a kid. What were our motivations? How did we respond to the situations before us? Where did we use our imaginations? When we realize that our children follow similar patterns, we find that we begin to see where they’re coming from. In turn, we are better communicators. One of the greatest things you can teach your toddler is how to communicate. With this ability, they will be able to help facilitate understanding and will be able to comprehend why they can or cannot do certain things. Ask the Lord to grow in childlikeness and understanding so you can level with the toddler. This can minimize tantrums and other frustration-related behaviors which lead to a more peaceful household.
Letting go of adult expectations.
It’s important to challenge our children and hold them to high standards. At the end of the day, our mission is to lead them to the Father. The long term is Heaven. The short term is giving them expectations that are challenging, but reachable. This means that we might expect them to sit in a chair, but are they seeing us stand on them to reach something high? Do we tell them they can’t leave the table, but we’re up all the time to get more things from the kitchen? Additionally, do we allow ourselves to over-indulge in sweets in front of them as we tell them they don’t need more than one? A two to three-year-old does not understand the nuances of age or that mommy gets to get up because she’s getting the food they asked for. They see things in a simplified format. We either need to hold ourselves to higher standards to be mindful of our children’s perceptions or we need to lower what we expect of them. Likely both are the best options. Ask the Lord where He is asking you to let go. We all have an area we need work. This allows us to level with them to explain these nuances in an honest, straightforward way.
Ask Him about how He created them.
When we pray specifically about our toddler, we need to be asking the Lord HOW He sees them and WHAT their identity is in Him. Seek His heart with questions like, “Lord tell me who you made my toddler to be.” “Where do I need to help them cultivate virtue?” “What is affecting my toddler now?” Or “What are they struggling with?” “How do I help them grow closer to you?” “Where am I impressing MY will for their future upon them, not yours?”
When we ask specific questions, we get more specific answers. Remember to record what you hear in prayer so you can refer back to it as you’re discerning. God is FOR your toddler. Even if it’s one of the most sanctifying parts of motherhood, there is more for them and more for us when we’re actively advocating for them before the throne of God. With His guidance we will find a smoother transition for different seasons, a place to ask hard questions, and a powerful encounter with growing active disciples. Questions like these have given me peace when the oldest fights sleep, pulled the splinter out of my eye to recognize my own struggles, and allowed me to see who my toddler is because of WHOSE he is, not see him as the sum of his actions.
Toddlers are in a beautiful season. They are absolute sponges. It is from here on out that we influence their worldview significantly. This is where you have the opportunity to show them how to think from God’s perspective by being an example of it. They are not yet to the age of reason. Allow them to be big in areas where they can grow. Show them that their littleness is okay to rest in. Hug them when they get hurt, and advise them not to do it again if it was their own doing. Natural consequences are bread and butter for a toddler. I have found that mine learns best by making mistakes. It’s okay for them to get messy. How else will they learn to clean up a mess? If they get wet, it’s an opportunity to teach them wet and dry. Then they can put their wet clothes in the laundry for you so they know that’s the effect of their action.
When we pursue God’s heart for His little ones, the burden that is toddlerhood is lighter because we have given it to God (Matthew 11:29-30). An encouraged life with toddlers is not about the formality of prayer but about the willingness to emulate them in the way they ask about everything. God will help us come to an understanding of the virtues we need to cultivate and the habits to break. Come to Him as a child so that you can be an example of one to yours. It's only through His guidance that we find a less challenging perspective on toddlerhood.
